this year i kind of let me fade.
i'm not an idiot, pshh, well i am, but not as, much as i used to be.
i guess you mature with age and time, but fuck that shit.
i'm scared and i started to care about what people thought.
and even though it's natural to do so,
it's to the extent in which i cared that phases me.
but this weekend made me realized
[omfg i'm shaking!]
morgs makes me feel really comfortable,
like i can let go and be a stupid idiot around her b/c she's my sig of course.
like when i was at her house i was being so dumb,
i haven't done that in a while.
i enjoyed it,
lmfao.
ahh so thats another thing i need to break out of.
no one here gives me that comfort that she does.
she's fuckin missing!
ughh, so now i have to give myself some comfort so i can start being myself again.
if she still went to rhs,
this year would be so diffrent.
but ughh
smfh, i've been saying that since forever and i'm still not over it.
tisktisk
so heres my list for my self improvements this year:
[i guess it goes hand in hand with my new years resolution]
[1.] become more comfortable, even if it has to be forced.
it'll become natural in due time.
[2.] stop thinking so much,
i know it sounds unattainable,
but i mean with me caring about how i would look if i did such and such.
just do *but not for EVERYTHING*
[haha, that was me and booms motto for the summer]
lammee.
[3.] be more productive,
be more studious, get my head straight, strive,
i've been getting extremely lazy
it's time to fix that and get myself back on tracks.
studyyyyy, gah.
[4.] secular change
i just see room for improvement,
not like insecure, but things that i wanna do to change, i guess
my fuckin hair is shit. the way i dress is getting kind of getting boring to me,
i wanna clean myself up a bit b/c people often associate me with things being messy and abnormal, and thats all cool and i don't mind but i kind of wanna stray away from that a bit.
[5.] start being a little bit more polite and appreciative to my mother,
i'm not a bratty, but i've kind of been about me ALOT like i usually would ask her how her day was and stuff but when i'm near her it's like i always have something i need to do and i get annoyed when she ask me questions or w/e when i do it.
i've been to myself alot this couple of weeks at home. i need to spend more time with her and be a little more considerate. she already has it hard b/c teanas a fuckin case. ahh, i need to step up and be more of an example even though i'm 100% positive teys not gonna change her shit.
[6.] trust and be a little more out there again.
after i went through that whole trust episode with my 'close friends' it messed me up. i hate telling people stuff b/c nobody is worthy of it. but i think i'm getting a better understanding of who i can trust and how much i can trust them with. i know i can trust morgs, theres no doubt about that. i can tell marcia alot, di is trust worthy. he has morgan like capabilities. lmfao. urm, boom, oh and keera. i really like her right now. she's really trust worthy to me right now, maybe b/c she adores me, but i can text her anytime i have a problem. ooo, which leads me to my next #.
[7.] start caring about other peoples problems again.
ugh, i was so sick of being the person who helps everyone out but when i have a freakin problem my voice isn't heard. so i ceased caring and giving people sympathy and advice. but it's time to fix that.
hmm, i can't think of anymore.
but judging by the way i think,
i WILL be adding more.
=]
i have to wash dishes now. =/
it'll become natural in due time.
[2.] stop thinking so much,
i know it sounds unattainable,
but i mean with me caring about how i would look if i did such and such.
just do *but not for EVERYTHING*
[haha, that was me and booms motto for the summer]
lammee.
[3.] be more productive,
be more studious, get my head straight, strive,
i've been getting extremely lazy
it's time to fix that and get myself back on tracks.
studyyyyy, gah.
[4.] secular change
i just see room for improvement,
not like insecure, but things that i wanna do to change, i guess
my fuckin hair is shit. the way i dress is getting kind of getting boring to me,
i wanna clean myself up a bit b/c people often associate me with things being messy and abnormal, and thats all cool and i don't mind but i kind of wanna stray away from that a bit.
[5.] start being a little bit more polite and appreciative to my mother,
i'm not a bratty, but i've kind of been about me ALOT like i usually would ask her how her day was and stuff but when i'm near her it's like i always have something i need to do and i get annoyed when she ask me questions or w/e when i do it.
i've been to myself alot this couple of weeks at home. i need to spend more time with her and be a little more considerate. she already has it hard b/c teanas a fuckin case. ahh, i need to step up and be more of an example even though i'm 100% positive teys not gonna change her shit.
[6.] trust and be a little more out there again.
after i went through that whole trust episode with my 'close friends' it messed me up. i hate telling people stuff b/c nobody is worthy of it. but i think i'm getting a better understanding of who i can trust and how much i can trust them with. i know i can trust morgs, theres no doubt about that. i can tell marcia alot, di is trust worthy. he has morgan like capabilities. lmfao. urm, boom, oh and keera. i really like her right now. she's really trust worthy to me right now, maybe b/c she adores me, but i can text her anytime i have a problem. ooo, which leads me to my next #.
[7.] start caring about other peoples problems again.
ugh, i was so sick of being the person who helps everyone out but when i have a freakin problem my voice isn't heard. so i ceased caring and giving people sympathy and advice. but it's time to fix that.
hmm, i can't think of anymore.
but judging by the way i think,
i WILL be adding more.
=]
i have to wash dishes now. =/
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