la la land machine

urghhflibbilflabbb

i was originally gonna type this on my other blog but wtfe.

sundays i always seem to go through a rage of emotions.
likeee idk
but today i was really sad.

but every time i get sad i try to think of an optimistic loophole.

but gahh, anyway.
i overthink ALOT.
smfh, it's ridiculous.

*checks phone note*

ugh, i'm kind of going through this thing where i feel really inadequate and uncomfortable
like unsafe in my skin.
like i feel like i wanna discard myself and start anew.
like these last couple of days i feel like i've been floating and not really grasping whats in front of me.
i yearn for change like a starving ethiopian.
i want to start off freshh.

i keep going through this 'me not knowing whether i should be private or not' thing.
like i was just about to make both of my blogs visible to myself.
tisk.

i also kinda feel kind of out of it w/ cia and boom.
like i am tryna distance myself a bit,
idky,
but i really don't want to.

idk, i feel like i've been pushed off my tracks.
this is my everlasting motherfuckin annoying ass funk!

i don't wanna carry this shit onto '09.

so i wanna correct the things that have been bothering me.
get it off my chest, though they're not all gonna go my way.
i wanna do it!

i have a list.
hardy har.

initially i was gonna drop everything,
ahhh, but i decided to rectify everything
i've been kinda of 'not talking' to her the whole break.
not on purpose, just blah.

so i decided to tell her what was up.
[haha, that sounded kinda black] tisktisk
i didn't have a mindset of how i thought it would go but the way it did was kind of unexpected.

i admit,
i was very inconsiderate.

this is actually the second time i've been in a misunderstanding like this.

but the way she went about it was diff.
holding animosity against me?
gahh, and she wasn't even gonna say anything to me about it.

i always take an initiative and try to fix things,
well most of time.
well when it's bothering me...

but theres not much i can do if she tries to drop the convo all the time.
ugh

i'm done with that.

ohh,
i miss being an idiot.
sometimes my idiocy seems kind of forced and uncomfortable.
but gahh

ooo so i have a new years resolution list.
lol

it's not as long as i thought it would be,
but the main objective is CHANGE!

change in self,
change for the better.
just changeeeee!
ahhh.

ooo, i had these things called mochi today.
lol they're so good. =]

hmm, i think i'm done.