i am NOT afraid!

sigh,
don't you know those days where you feel good but the bad still wants to win.
thats my day today.

it was great,
but little stuff that have been badgering at my mind are tryna get me down.
but i'm strong and i'm gonna fight it.
but isn't a good cry needed sometimes?
i mean i don't remember the last time I have cried..

haha, i remember when i was tryna cry but i never could,
thats was about a few weeks ago [or maybe more]
but when something really good happened to me,i cried.
odd huh?

lol,
thats weird.
ooo, the last time i cried was when i found out i got a B in bio.
but those we're happy tears b/c i was proud of myself.

[ahh famous last words is my song of the moment;
it's making me cry, lol]

man idk,
i feel like this is my year to find myself.
to become self satisfied b/c i know that when i go to college i won't have the same support group that i have now.
it's like i'm finally finding my niche and who i am as a person.

i'm comparing this year to all my other ones and this year is were i truly feel self sufficient.
like man i was really confident in my 10th grade year, but i was soooo emotionally depressed.
sigh, thats when those things happened...
but i've grown from that..

but anyway;
even though that goal won't officially be accomplished until i'm a certain age.
i'm pretty happy with myself.

i just wish my outward appearance was to my standards.
haha;
i find it odd that i can just keep typing flowing words out.
ahh, this is what a good personal reflection is for.

but anyway,
i wish i looked the way i felt.
lately i haven't been into my clothes.
i hate my hair..my size. bleh
thats really sad b/c i love myself, just not how i look....
i mean i'm not insecure, but gah..

but i think i should look so much better b/c i feel so much better
but instead of whining about it i plan on taking charge and making a change.
sooo steps to full nat self satisfaction is well on it's way.
starting with my hairr...

ahh;
every time i think about how i'm growing i can't help but smile.
i'm starting to truly love me,
with some minor imperfections..
but hey, nobody's perfect.
and i'm living proof of that.

=]