*suitable twilight quote goes here*

it sucks b/c i get depressed about the same things all the time.

i find myself often putting on a facade to make it seem i'm coping with this whole college thing but i'm not.

i mean sometimes its okay, but other times i just wish i was back home.

i'm in the state of mind where i know i'm just really comfortable w/ the niche of friends that i've established, that i don't really wanna make anymore.

and when i do, i feel like i'm faking it cause i really don't wanna tlk to them.

i guess i naturally draw people to me, b/c all the people i tlk to up here,

8 times out of 10, they approached me first.

if i could have it my way, i would wake up, go to school, do hw eat, &sleep and do that all over again until it was time for me to go home.

but it isn't like that.

sometimes i wish i was a little different b/c i wish i was kinda of like 'in'.

&naturally i was never really an 'in' kind of person.

and idk how to be one.

sometimes i think it would be better if i had someone that i already knew here,

b/c it would make me feel more inclined or comfortable to be myself but that wouldn't really help my growing process now would it?

everyones so mature up here,

and i feel like i'm at a little battle w/ myself.

like should i be myself, be immature & make noises and shit or should i just be chill like everyone else?

often i just settle w/ chill which makes me feel so boring.

its like my whole 'idc what anybody thinks, but to an extent' thing has totally left me.

&now i care.

like i feel like a freshman at high school all over again.

its not that i'm not having fun, but i'm not having the type of fun that i think i should be having, or the type of fun i would like to be having.

i feel like i'm keeping myself confined.

idk, i'm all types of sad.

i was gonna post this on my private blog but w/e.