i'd like to make myself believe, that planet earth turns slowly.

Okay, so i'm really excited to type this blog lol.

looking at my decision to choose penn state altoona, i think it was a mistake.

lol

but a GOOD mistake,

it made me realize what i don't wanna be doing.

ahh, let me just explain.

i don't wanna be here, and i can complain [which i am, and i will continue to do] but i wanna put my feelings into action too.

i'm gonna transfer.

originally my plan was to stay here for another year so i can have enough credits to transfer as a upper-transfer student, but becuase i'm so bored out of my mind here, it made me wanna do more research and i realized that i CAN transfer for fall 2010 with 30 credits.

whooo

so i've narrowed my searches down to two schools,

i'm not gonna say them cause i don't wanna lol

i'm mad b/c i don't wanna go through this whole college process again, sending all my shit to schools.

but the good thing is that when you transfer you don't always have to send them you SAT and ACT scores, so thats one load off.

i'm really gonna put effort into making sure my college essays are good this time. cause before i didn't care. haha

but anywho, making this poor altoona decision has made me realize what i really wanna do.

they don't even have theatre as a fricken minor choice. >;o

and they don't have open auditions for the plays.

to top it all off, its boring, theres nothing to do unless you have a car &even that doesn't suffice

& i feel like i'm in hs again.

like why would i stay here? lol

i could go on man.

the only prob is, i have to sell my mom to let me transfer to either of the two states the schools i wanna go to are in.

blehh, i'm still gonna apply tho. lol

well okay, i'm shaking cause its so cold in my room.

i'm about to do laundry, and then watch set it off since di made me download it.

okie, adios.

-en <3

"everything happens for a reason." :]

we can't hold back, just give me a second to react!

Ahh, okay i'm in such a better mood!

I have a set plan now and its all thanks to Rinny.

talking to her made me feel so much better,

its nice looking at someone thats going in the same path that I would like to go.

My mind is made up, and I feel very determined now.

I feel a little more like myself and I hope it continues to get better.

Idt my opinion will change any time soon about the people here.

Really, I don't even wanna waste my time talking to people b/c from the personas I'm observing, I'm not gonna like them even if I try to get to know them.

I'm satisfied w/ the friends I have back at home and the few people I tlk to here.

I was never a big mingler anyway.

so IDGAF.

I know I'll start feeling a different way over time, like I always do.

But I'm satisfied with feeling like this at the moment, its not a bad thing..so why change?

keeps my name out of peoples mouths anyway.

but yeah,

i'm secure with the decision and plan that i've made.

so now my worrying has stopped.

I just need to make sure I stay headstrong, be productive and stick to my plan.

So this weekend while I'm making my next semester class list I'll search up some schools and junk.

Ahhh, its gonna take a while to actually get things started but I'm gonna keep faith in myself. :]

wah wah wah

idk whats wrong w/ me.

this week has just been really hard for me.

i'm worrying about stuff,

i hate feeling like i don't have a plan for my future.

i'm so mind boggled.

i can think about this ovr and ovr and try to become satisfied but i nvr am.

man, idek what i'm tlking about.

i'm making myself feel sickk.

i hate tlking to people here cause i wanna be by myself.

but thats not how i'm suppose to be feeling nowwww.

sigh. idk. :/

i really need to shake out of this b/c i'm gonna fall into whole depressing thing and thats gonna take longer to get out of.

i really don't feel like myself.

eh, idk.

i can't even think of anything optimistic to make myself feel a little better.

hopefully, i'm just having a sucky week and all this hoopla will go away.

ughh, i just feel like being real saucy and taking my emotions out on people. >;o

give us life again cause we just wanna be whole

Life in altoona isn't getting any better for me,

i've lost all my umph, and now idgaf anymore.

i don't wanna fall into dumps and be all depressed up here.

i wanna embrace myself on the outside like i used to do.

altoona downs my mood, and i'm becoming very comfortable with it.

i'm letting people get under my skin and annoy the hell out of me easier than before,

i'm becoming anti-social more and more. and idc about making friends.

i just don't wanna try anymore b/c it feels so comfortable being in this state,

but its not good.

i wanna start broadening my mind to a lot of different things.

i want the nat that i used to be comfortable being to crawl out from the whole inside of me

and show herself once again, just until i can fall back into place.

[i tried to make sense as much as i could, lol]

just so i can start being and feeling myself again.

i know its gonna take a while and alot of forcing.

i feel like my life is all doing loops and i don't have a grip on anything.

i wanna gain control again, i HAVE to gain back control.

ilymorgs

Morgs is the bestest friend I ever had and I love her so much.

I can tlk to her on the phone and listen to her rant about her views,

and even tlk on the phone while we're sending each other links on AIM of gawd knows what.

and no one else could ever go ga ga with me at target and blow major duckets on everything we set our eyes on.

or even jump when it thunderstorms and scream when the lights cut off in a store. lol

and no one has the same sense of style as me!

man, i could go on &on.

you've been with me through all my bullshit and stupid problems that i've had.

i would get annoyed w/ me crying all the damn time. lol

ily sooo much!

and even though i get mad at you about all my hooplah and i always fail to go to you about it,

your still the bestest truest friend a girl like me can possibly have.

i'm very blessed to have you as my bestfriend.<3

gay, i know. lol

idc!

ilyMORGS! ♥

lol, this will be a waste of a blog but aha.

i'm posting all my 'meant to be private' blogs here.

mwuahaha.

*suitable twilight quote goes here*

it sucks b/c i get depressed about the same things all the time.

i find myself often putting on a facade to make it seem i'm coping with this whole college thing but i'm not.

i mean sometimes its okay, but other times i just wish i was back home.

i'm in the state of mind where i know i'm just really comfortable w/ the niche of friends that i've established, that i don't really wanna make anymore.

and when i do, i feel like i'm faking it cause i really don't wanna tlk to them.

i guess i naturally draw people to me, b/c all the people i tlk to up here,

8 times out of 10, they approached me first.

if i could have it my way, i would wake up, go to school, do hw eat, &sleep and do that all over again until it was time for me to go home.

but it isn't like that.

sometimes i wish i was a little different b/c i wish i was kinda of like 'in'.

&naturally i was never really an 'in' kind of person.

and idk how to be one.

sometimes i think it would be better if i had someone that i already knew here,

b/c it would make me feel more inclined or comfortable to be myself but that wouldn't really help my growing process now would it?

everyones so mature up here,

and i feel like i'm at a little battle w/ myself.

like should i be myself, be immature & make noises and shit or should i just be chill like everyone else?

often i just settle w/ chill which makes me feel so boring.

its like my whole 'idc what anybody thinks, but to an extent' thing has totally left me.

&now i care.

like i feel like a freshman at high school all over again.

its not that i'm not having fun, but i'm not having the type of fun that i think i should be having, or the type of fun i would like to be having.

i feel like i'm keeping myself confined.

idk, i'm all types of sad.

i was gonna post this on my private blog but w/e.

mahh cribbzzz

blehhhh, home alone.

so what do i do?

lol, nothing inappropriate. ahaa

I MAKE A VIDEO MANN!!

=]