niggas bout cocky as my dick

i'm jii excited.
like, i'm sooo [!][!][!]

hehe,
so i haven't been blogging here b/ccccc

*drum rolls*

i blog on:

EMKAYDIEN.BLOGSPOT.COM

lol,
hop on it.

but i will be back here every once and a while.

this blog makes my toes curl.
hardy har har.

peace<3

i complain i complain i complain
i contradict i contradict i contradict
i over-think i over-think i over-think

i make myself feel sucky.
i am my own worst critic.

tisktisk.
very annoying.

i'm JUMPING out the window with this one!

omgah!
i have so much to sayyy!

man,
i fuckin started shaking.
wtf is wrong with me?

okay!
agah!

I kind of took a a step back and analyzed everything.
I'm realizing that I'm actually making an effort to changing what I wanted changed.

Not everything,
but the main important one...

I'm pretty comfortable with myself right now,
not fully, but it's getting there.
i've had personal improvements.

[hmm, pizza fries! =]]

like i unintentionally do this thing where I pick and choose where I act like myself and where I just sit there based on my environment.
i'm pretty sure i'm not the only person who does that,
but it fricken bugs me.

...but now i'm making adjustments to that.

However, I think i'm making a couple of things awkward.

i was gonna vaguely say this,
but idc anymore.
lol

things are really drifting w/ me and di.
ha, and i thought i was the only one who noticed it.
idk, i think things are kinda weird now.
we don't even talk that much anymore... =/
but bleh.
maybe things will get better.

Man, things have been so boring.
i need some positive excitement.
ooo, tell me that i won $3000 or that like my 'purple' theory has followed through.
hehe

speaking of 'purple'!
boys do nothing for me right now except for di.
&i've become like reallly informally infatuated w/ her.
i think it's b/c she reminds me of rihanna and i'm kind of on her right now.
but gahgahgahgah
one day! one day!
don't kill my dreams.
=]]]]]

i really aspire to be a hippie
or something close to it!
i think i have a hippe type of nature,
right?
lol, idk why it intrigues me so much.

like don't hippies think unrealisticly or some shit;
like everything is gonna resolve to peace, love and happiness?
i think that!!!!
hmph.
*folds arms*

i don't think they curse alot though,
&i wanna have a sailor mouth.
gahgah

ahh, so today when me and my mom were walking out of walmart this old homeless guy asked us for some spare change.
i don't see how people can just say no and walk away knowing that they have some extra money in their pocket.
everytime someone less fortunate than me ask me for a dollar or two i feel really bad if i don't give it to them.
gahh, like i couldn't say no to the man!!

my mom said it had to do w/ me being a christian which led to a blahblah christian lecture.
but i just think it's b/c i have a big heart and i'm sticking with that!
thats hippie like right?
sadsad.

me and mom aren't necessarily 'close'

i notice that how morgs and her mom are really close,
she tells her mom everything.
i don't have that with my mom.
like i don't really tell her any personal junk.
i kinda keep it generic with her.

idky i don't tell her anything.
hmmm.
thats needs to CHANGE!

i try sometimes. =/

but today when me and my mom were at the hair salon,
i felt mother daughterly bonding going on!
hehe, it was grand.

speaking of my hairrr,
agah!
i went to this new guy.
i mainly wanted to go to him b/c he doesn't use gel at all,
and i fricken hate gel,
i hate how it makes my hair feel.
and it dries my scalp.

so likeee i got him to do my hair.
and it's niice and all.
but the only fricken thing is the front of my hair looks like something formally done for a presidents wife!
>;o

lol, like wtf was he looking at when i showed him my rihanna picture?
it's not bad, but it doesn't look edgy!

but i really wanna go back to him b/c of the no gel thing!!
imma need him to be on his game!

but i'll deal.
beggers can't be choosers.

my sis bday is next weekend.
now that i have a job i can get her something pretty sweet.
i'm still thinking about what that is...
we have the same taste,
but i don't wanna get her something i might like too
b/c we'd pretty much end up sharing it.
tisktisk.
so i'm still thinking.

ooo, one more thing!
music.
my insanley uber cool music has been making me feel pretty strong lately.

i think it's kind of weird b/c it isn't al x. j.
i actually haven't listened to her in a while,
b/c she annoys me right about now.
but that always happens.

but anyway,
yeahh.
like ahh.
musicmusicmusic.
makes me feel somekindaway.

whew,
i feel extremly oppy!

*checks*

yeahh, i'm pretty much done.
idk when imma blog again.

*edited*
ohhh btw;
me and cia saw this hawtness guy on the bus today.
lol, boom wanted us to take a pic.
of course that didn't happen.
cia was about to poop in the bottle &shit.
lmfaoooo!
hehe,
but yo had a girl.
tisktisk.

i'm done. =]

peace <3

[!][!][!][!]

good grief.
i never realized how anxious i am.

mannn,
i can't wait till school is over!

i feel like theres so much limitations on me right now,
i just can't wait to embrace a little freedom.
like i'm actually gonna be going to a diff state.
although it's not gonna be that far,
it'll still be away from home.

i'm anxious to see how i'll cope,
and how much my life will change.

ahhh,
these months can't go by fast enough!

so i'm freakin looking at piercings and junk.
i always have this random urge that i wanna stab my ears.
lol
like if i could i would pierce my ears myself.
agah!
but being as though i have short hair i and i can't hide them,
nor take it out when i go to church so thats not gonna happen.

mann,
i want 3 more piercings in my cartilages so i can gauge them.
i want my nose!
i'm actually contemplating my lip nowadays.

ooo,
and i wanna get inked up too!!

i want the word PEACE across my inner left wrist
i wanntttt CHANGE on one of my fingers like rihanna
&i want small stars like rihanna in the same place as chris brown!

agah!
so my mom is yelling for gawd knows what reason.
she's been very cranky lately.
so i'm fuckin out for realllll!

oh btw,
i'm in a rather dandy, upbeat and pump mood.

hehe,
peace<3

do you remember a time when we were so alive?

ahakahakaha;
cake eater!

ahhh, nothing really new has been going on
so i'm trying to cease blogging.

i'd rather not blog about the same things over and over.

smh, i started this blog around 5
and it's almost 5:30 and this is all that i have lol.

i forgot i was blogging.
tisktisk.

ahh,
idk, these last couple of days have been pretty peachy.

i don't even wanna try to count how much money i spent over the weekend.
but i can't wait to wear my clothes!!

my hair is like sooo dirty.
lmfao.
i need a perm and junk.

thank gawd that shit is getting tamed friday.

my dad is trying to come over here more and more often.
maybe he think things are gonna be toned down a little since he threw out a few hundred bucks on each of us.
pssfttt.
not gonna happen.

like agah,
today me and my sis ordered sushi.
and as SOON as the delivery guy came and we opened the door he was standing RIGHT behind him.

gahh,
what an amusing coincidence.
that nigga wasn't even suppose to come over today!

but anyway,
i've been in a very antisocial mood lately.

ugh, like i hate when people that i don't talk to on a regular basis try to have a conversation with me b/c i get so annoyed.
i feel like i have to be all entertaining and engaged in the convo,
when i'm not.

ughughugh,
like someone just IMed me mannn.
i knew i should have signed out!
lmfao.
sadsad.

[okay well it's not that bad now]

luckily i'm not sad or anything.
i'm kinda in a tranquil state if you will.

i'm so sick of being frustrated worrying about junk.
i wish that wasn't an emotion.

gahgahgah,
i have nothing to blog about anymore,
i went blank.

i'll def add more later,
i guess.

[i always say that but i nvr do]
tisk.

dear pacific, won't you take me away?

sooo, today has been a dayyyyy and it's not even over yet.
i actually anticipated for a good day but apparently that didn't happen.

i started to think.
so i have this intuition about something,
and normally when i have an intuition it comes out to be true.
and even though i'm yearningggg for me to be proven wrong

i kinda know that it's not gonna be.
bleh.

i got alot off my chest today.
though i still need to continue,
i guess it'll do for now.

i was being a bitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitchbitch
ughhhhhh.

i guess it's good for venting but i need to change that shit.

so i was talking to one of my friends today about some of the shit that has been bothering me and it kinda shocked me that she felt the same way too.
[although she kind of strayed off of topic talking about shit i didn't care about...]
but it made me feel kinda more sympathetic for her.
i notced that she felt the same way but instead of caring
and trying to rectify the situation i didn't.

ahh, and my other friend feels the same way too.
i hate that i noticed it but never said anything.
i kinda feel bad about it.

i seriously need to undergo a fast metamorphosis!

shitfuck.
and my shaking started again.
like i was thinking it isn't as serious as i make it out to be,
but i can't help it..
it's really something i HAVE to get over.

and i know tuesdays not gonna be any better.

tiskti sk,
my eyes are blood shot red.
sigh, i'll update later,
hopefully my day gets better.
=/

ahh, okay i feel a little better.
i'm just waiting for my eyes to recover.
blehbleh

morgs motherfuggin left me at her house.

[is it weird that i feel like an eggplant?]
hardy har har.

so yeah, bam sam.

mann,
i'm bout tired as a rats ass.

ahh, so i feel MUCH better now.
after dwelling on it like all afternoon,
i decided to forget about it.

i have yet to talk to my sig and boom about this issssh.
but it's all good for real.

i need to stop talking 'hood' b/c it's becoming a habit.
hardy har har.

ughh,
niggas gave me some bullshit ass discussion i have to do for tuesday.
i really don't wanna do that shit
but blehfuckingbleh.

ahh,
the sig♥ & di♥
i love you guyssss &junk.
=]

ooo, i'm 300 bucks richer!
i'm uberly pump.
agah!
my FATHER comes in handy for something.
[see i said father for a change]
=]

yeah, so i'm starving.
peace<3

shed the old and become anew.
what once held you back,
don't let it hold you any longer.

it's time to spread your wings and explore.
live life to your fullest.
set new boundaries for yourself
GROW. KEEP GROWING
grow till you can't grow anymore,
like they say the sky is the limit.
so try and reach the sky...