i'm just one of those ghost; traveling endlessly

sigh, i think i'm upset b/c Dis not coming anymore.

I mean if all of this didn't happen i think he would be a little sympathetic for not being able to make it, but he doesn't.

I feel like i ruined everything, and i did.

I was looking forward to nxt weekend for months, i know it wasn't SOLELY based on what i did.. How did i just destroy it like that?

I'm really glad Em is still coming but i wanted the both of them to come, thats what i had my heart set on.

I can't stop being so down in the dumps and it revolves around the fact that Di isn't and doesn't plan on tlking to me.

I feel like he honestly doesn't wanna be my friend anymore and that he can move on w/o me. But i can't, loosing Di would be like loosing Em and these few days or so of not tlking to him really killed me. I miss getting copy & pasted txt that i sent him. lol

They say you nvr really appreciate anything until its gone...and boyy were they right.

Di is such a really good friend.

I think its kind of weird for me b/c i've nvr had a guy bestfriend b4, so when i get mad @ him idk how to act. And i know the silent treatment with Em isn't necessarily the most effective way to go about things, but its just like how i've always done it, and it seemed to work.

I mean thats how i've always done things when i was mad at someone.

W/ my fam & other friends.

It seemed right, but apparently it isn't.

idk how to approach people w/ i'm mad @ then. Idkh!

Its a flaw i need to work on, but if i loose a very valuable friend in the process idk what i would do. I feel like if i don't have Di & Em who do i have?

[well i have kay, and ilh, but come on now. haha]

I mean altho me and Em haven't been the closest people ever these pass months, and i'm not as close as i would like to be w/ Di...i feel like they're real, like they're really there for me.

I tlk to a very fair amount of people from hs, but Di & Em are the best.

I love them dearly, i just feel like everything is screwed up and its all my fault AND theres nothing i can do about it, but wait till Di is ready to tlk to me, IF he still wants to.

i typed this from my phone, now isn't that beast? haha