...to BURY the castle.

you know when i first made this blogspot i would have never thought that i would like it so much.

although i like my private blog way way better.

like in the beginning i pretty much started off as a n00bz not knowing what i wanted to type about but my blogs have become a major part of me now.

reading my blogs made me like myself so much more.

like i guess when i'm typing my blogs at the time i nvr think about how i'm gonna reflect back on them 5 months from now,

but now that i've read my old blogs its like i get to observe everything i went through and the things that got my through it.

i guess they're right when they say everything happens for a reason b/c i feel like i've grown from every bad or good thing thats happened to me ovr time.

[mannn its hot as a mother chucker in hurrr]

*turns fan on*

but anyway, the uplifting and optimistic words that i used to give myself when i wasn't so chipper really kind of helps.

i've also been thinking that i need to stop thinking so much.

isn't that always the case w/ me?

lately me caring about what other people think has been stopping me from doing some of the things i wanna do.

but doing that does nothing but push me back a few miles, so then i have to manipulate the subject and change my route again.

they also say that some people go to college to find themselves,

i always thought that was a bunch of hoopla until i actually started to experience it myself.

i always thought that i had a very distinct idea of who i was,

but i guess every person experiences different stages in their life

like me, back then was the HS stage of my life,

i knew who i was based on the circumstances that i faced.

but now i guess you can say i'm partaking in the college stage of my life and everything is at a blurr now.

i'm very confused and i feel like i wanna go back to my home base to get a feel of things.

i'm being faced with new things that i didn't necessarily worry about b4 and idkh to go about them.

i think i often get perceived as someone easy to take advantage of b/c for the most part here i've been very quiet and nice...

which are two attributes to my faulty personality that need to be fixed.

lately i've been observing that some people try to confront me in ways that i percieve as 'trying to take advantage of me'

and of course i'm not gonna sit back and let that happen,

but i'm confused with whether or not i should stand up and not allow it to happen or if the attempt to take advantage of me isn't actually happening and i shouldn't do anything about it.

...if that makes sense?

but anywho,

ever see one of those pictures where theres this one object standing still and the whole world is moving on around it?

hmm, KINDA like this:

thats what i feel like.

at this moment i just wish i could push the REDO button and go back to August 20th.

fix everythinggg, and do everything all ovr again.

sry, my thoughts were scattered everywhere, thats what i get for not really blogging in a while.