butterfly fly away.

so since i have this hour alone I just wanted to bloggg.

whoo, very rare on my part.

idk how this is gonna go so just bare w/ me.

i like to think that i'm pretty hard to read, not b/c i think that makes me different or anything, but b/c i believe i am.

i mean if you've known me, or tlked to me for quit some time i'm pretty sure you'd have a very accurate guess on who/how i am.

but i hate when people make assumptions about me,

it just bugs me.

i'm kind of keeping myself closed b/c i really don't want to get to know anybody, and i don't want anybody to get to know me.

i'll fall out of it, but for now thats how i am.

naturally i play everything by my mood,

i pick an outfit out at night thinking i wanna actually get dressed and look nice in the morning,

but when i wake up i just feel like throwing on a hoodie and some jeans.

and other days its vice versa.

the music i listen to is all depending on my mood at the time.

i can be obsessed w/ a song one week, the next week i play the same song and i can't bare to hear it.

most of the time i listen to songs that make me feel calm, and peaceful and other times i wanna listen to something loud so i can shake my fan fan.

haha

it alls depends on what i'm feeling at the moment.

and i just get annoyed when people try to confine me in this box of what they think they know about me.

i don't show people all of who i am, it takes me a while to express myself to people.

even people that you would think that i'm generally close to,

they know alot, but they don't know everything.

i guess thats why i wanna start what i'm starting,

but i'm being very reluctant b/c i don't want to show things that i've always hidden.

but life is about change right?

hmm.

how you gon' win if you ain't right within?

every time it comes close to putting my decision into action, i always doubt myself.

like i start thinking about all the negatives, and i search for reassurance.

my mother tries to sway my decision b/c she doesn't necessarily agree w/ me transferring b/c of the state i wanna go to.

but i feel like if i don't i'm gonna regret it.

this place is starting to grow on me, but i find faults in it everyday,

i guess you can say i'm not giving it a fair chance.

but i def don't hate it as MUCH as i did when i first started,

&i enjoy some of the friendships i've made.

but i feel like if i stay, i'd be settling...giving up

staying here doesn't benefit me in anyway.

the classes are fairly easy, but shouldn't i be challenged a bit?

and the courses i wanna take aren't even offered here.

man, i could go onnnn

but although i find all these faults, i'm still not 100% confident in my decision to transfer.

ahh, idk.

i'm still applying to the SUNY i chose either way,

i just hope i'm making the right decision.

well anyway, i haven't blogged much so let me fill you in!

i've started something,

still in the works b/c i'm trying to manage my time w/it.

i don't necessarily know how i'm gonna follow through w/ it, but its actually kinda fun.

haha

iiii went to UP over the weekend,

and its honestly the best fun i've had thus far.

i tell you, being drunk does make a party like 10 times better.

haha

i don't feel like typing everything i did b/c i have ish to do,

but i fell in love w/ the campus and i'm def gonna visit again.

PLUS miley cyrus is playing there november 5th!

i'm in thereeee, like swimwear!!!

ummm, oh yeah!

i bought a new moon poster!

whoo whoo!

i got jacob <3

initially i said i wasn't gonna get anymore posters but screw that,

when i saw taylors face @ hot topic i went BANANAS!

haha,

well i have mad hw, i gotta clean my room cause my landlords showing off my house tomorrow since none of my housemates [including me] plan on living in here nxt year. lol

&i wanna eat salad and watch WILAY!

so until wheneverrrr,

hasta siempre que!

-en <3

paramore, oh how i love thee.

i think i'm slightly reviving an old obsession.

i remember i always loved watching youtube vids of paramore live, or like acoustic or something b/c hayley voice always sounds superb.

now i'm really upset that i'm not in MD b/c i REALLY wanna see them performmm.

ugh, but i'll digress.

i'm sure there will be a next time.

well you HAVE to watch this!

enjoy <3

i have a lot of growing up to do

lesson learned, and all i can do is grow from it.

nuff said

you need this song in your life!

i CAN'T stop listening to it.

[this is Dis FAVORITE song right here.]

It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in

i think a certain paramore fan would love my title.

haha

i've been whoring out brand new eyes and ready to die.

-juicy

-nasty boy

-ignorance

-&playing god

to be particular.

they heal my mood.

playing god aids to my anger so much.

[i'm playing that right now]

i think i'm getting stronger b/c i'm forcing myself not to give in.

two tears fell from my eyes today i refused for anymore to fall.

if lonely is what i feel, then the strength of independence will be my reign.

i'm not gonna bring what i feeling to a head for anybody, b/c if they don't see it for themselves, then it isn't worth rectifying.

but anywhoo,

i was gonna rant about what i hate about the people here,

but i don't feel like it &i'm sure no one wants to read it. lol

i really wanna make a vid blog, but i'm guessing that will have to wait till nxt week.

i don't like making vid blogs w/ people in the house.

hmm, well i got my monologue books today,

i haven't chosen one yet, i'm being very picky.

but ah well, i have no reason to rush,

i'm just doing it for fun for the time being.

well i'm donee,

i'm blogging about nothingness.

-en <3

hmm?

i think its due time that i start actively blogging again,

don't ya think?

hmm, well i'm about to go to my last/only class today,

get some more monologue books cause i yet to pick one that i really wanna work on,

and then i'll be back!

more than likely i want be ranting about some shiiittttt so brace yourselves.

peace!