heartbeat, don't beat too loud.

so bam sam jam mam.
woo!
i thought a lot today.

man, i was gonna wait for morgs to blog in the emakydien blog but i know she's gonna take a couple of decades.
she's at home and junk so she'll more than likely blog when she gets back to frostburg and i can't wait that long!!!!

ahh, sundays are the days that make me think the most.
i mean it's my only long shift day that i work.
when i'm in front end i barely say anything to anybody other than my normal
'hi, how are you?' and 'thanks, have a great day' shit that i HAVE to say.
oh, and talking to the other cashiers beside me.
i really don't like to talk there..but since i have to... =/

i'm listening to al x j.
you know what that means?
i'm not so happy over here.
she's helping me vent.
but it's about something thats completely out of my hands,
i'm trying not to dwell.

i really love this blog.
like it's kind of like my open diary.
like i'm actually keeping up with it!
normally when i start a journal i stick with it for a while, and then i stop.
i have like a gazillon unfinished books.
i hate actually hand writing my feelings out.
i'd end up writing alot and then my hand would start hurting
and then my hand writing would go from neat to crap.
and then when i try to look back and reread what i wrote,
i wouldn't be able to b/c i wouldn't understand my handwriting.
lol

but yeah,
this blog is pretty awesome.

i think i wanna start video blogging.
idk, i think thats kinda cool.
imma try it out and see if i like it and such.
i just gotta do it when no ones home and stuff,
b/c i don't want them hearing what i'm saying.

ahh,
i think i sound like a fruit cake too,
i know i'm not gonna like how i sound.
lol, but w/eee. =]

i lost my train of thought.

everyday i find a attribute in pb that i like.
she's actually been there for me this weekend.
it's really sweet,
she'll like call me and check up on me and make sure that i'm okay.
=]]]]
i love her oodlessss <333

i need to stop this whole gangsta talk b/c it's really becoming an unwanted habit.
okay, imma slap myself everytime i do it.
lol.

ohh,
&i freakin left my school shit in pb's trunk.
lol, ah well.
idrc.

yesterday was pretty cool!
i saw my siggggg<3
she's the buttons to my qwerty.
hehe.

hmmm, so yeah.
i think i'm done.

my moms about to leave,
and my sis is in the room coughing her lungs out.
so woo!
i get to video blog.

peace darlings <3

[i was about to say homies,
had to stop myself]

=]]

nvr ending blog...

wooo!
so i wanna make like this little list thing here about myself similar to the blog i made on myspace a while back...purely just to see how much i've changed.

you don't have to read it or w/e
it's really just for personal reasons.

but i will be gradually adding more and more as time goes on.
so bam!

[1] i tend to get really excited when people call me nat.

[2] though i'm still not used to it yet.

[3] i lovelovelove when people compare me to billie holiday. [b/c of the flower in her hair!]

[4] i've always wished i was born in like the whole jazz or 1950's vintage era.

[5] i get annoyed very very easily.

[6] i wanna veer into a classic, edgy, hippeish style.

[7] but more than likely i'm not gonna stick with it.

[8] red nail polish makes me feel strong and classic.

[9] i always have this random urge to stab up my ears. [pierce them]

[10] my gauge smells like brown sugar and stale potatoes. lol

[11] i start shaking at like the weirdest moments. it's really weird. [i'm shaking right now]

[12] i get anxious and nervous to the point where i get really nauseous. hehe

[13] i get so fuckin aggravated when i have to look for shit!

[14] i hate when my sister wears my fuckin clothes w/o fuckin asking me first!!! >;o

[15] i'm kind of rude.

[16] i'm lazy

[17] i lovelovelove sleeping!

[18] ...but i'm always tired

[19] i fricken love BUTTS!

[20] i hate my job, b/c i hate working.

[21] i can't wait till i graduate!!!

[22] emkaydien = ♥

[23] i hate when people call me when i clearly tell them i'm not gonna answer the phone!

[24] i have poor money management skills.

[25] my memory sucks balls.

[26] ...writing on my hand helps sometimes but sometimes i don't pay attention to it.

[27] i become infatuated pretty easily. agah.

[28] i'm more so _-_-_-_-_ than i am _______ right now.

[29] lol, get it?

[30] i fuckin hate going to church.

[31] i haven't watched porn in likeeee a while.

[32] ...but when i do i mostly just download it on utorrents.

[33] sex is actually kinda distance from my mind right now.

[34] i've been a pescatarian for almost a year and 2 months now.

[35] i hate when people say that their veg heads and animal activist and they only stopped eating meat for like 2 weeks and their not even consistent with it. >;oooo

[36] i love the smell of coco butter lotion.

[37] idk how to wash my own clothes. my mom still does it for me. hehe

[38] hehe, i just got the oddest but coolest txt ever. =]]

[39] i wish i could read peoples minds.

[40] sometimes i get annoyed when i get alot of text all at once, esp when i don't feel like texting.

[41] but keep 'em coming, it makes me feel special.

[42] i hate my phone, i just like the qwerty.

[43] omgah! i really have the BEST BEST BEST FUCKIN BEST sig B in the worrrldddd. <33

[44] i'm pretty good at looking at things optimistically, as unrealistic as it may be.

[45] i've been told i have an interesting music taste.

[46] i'm into very tranquil music &screamo music right now.

[47] they complement my peaceful and hype mood.

[48] i love saying 'bitches bout cocky as my dick' lmao 

[49] when i get bored i get really quiet, or i start making random noises. 

[50] i also get quiet when i'm around people i don't norm talk to. 

[51] i love rihanna, lol her music and everything.

[52] i get into songs like really late. i just started liking rehab a couple weeks ago. 

[53] i think aloooottt. i think to the point where i can get my self pretty depressed, and i can think to the point where i make myself really happy.

[54] i love root beer!

[55] i always always always see the number 232 everywhere! i've been seeing it for the past 4 yrs now. i think it means something.

[56] i make wishes at 11:11.

[57] i'm not a morning person.

[58] my music has to be played immensely LOUD!

[60] shadshad is the reason why purple become my favorite color.

[61] i can really live off of pineapples, sushi, stir fry string beans, &fried rice.

[62] when i was in middle school, i used to write really hard, and like my ring finger would get swollen on the skin part underneath my nail. so the doctor told me i had to change the way i write, and now i write with my middle finger! lol

[63] i can scan 15 items per minute. haha

[64] i have to type niice with two i's. [not when i'm doing school shit of course] it looks ugly w/ just one i. idk.

[65] i procrastinate like shit.

[66] i'm very indecisive.

niggas bout cocky as my dick

i'm jii excited.
like, i'm sooo [!][!][!]

hehe,
so i haven't been blogging here b/ccccc

*drum rolls*

i blog on:

EMKAYDIEN.BLOGSPOT.COM

lol,
hop on it.

but i will be back here every once and a while.

this blog makes my toes curl.
hardy har har.

peace<3

i complain i complain i complain
i contradict i contradict i contradict
i over-think i over-think i over-think

i make myself feel sucky.
i am my own worst critic.

tisktisk.
very annoying.