i'm tryna hold on to a little piece of myself

lately, i've been running through all these different methods that i use as an attempt to express myself.

i tried going to tumblr, making my own cpu diary, and even writing poems again.

but nothing suffices.

i miss the good ole days where i would come home from a happy, sad, chill w/e day and just blog my heart out.

i wear my heart on my sleeve here, and i miss that.

it was good for me.

i'm at a lost for words at describing myself.

ever since school started, i've been slowly loosing her.

now she's gone.

i'm not the same Nataki i was a year ago, i'm uptight, extremely introvertive, sour, bitter..

the only thing i seem to have kept were my flip floppy emotions.

what happened to that random, say anything out the ass, goofy loopy girl that I used to be before this whole Altoona thing happened?

the person i appear to be here is not who i truly am.

but i can't seem to fuckin dig her back out,

every time i push my hand in she gets deeper and deeper.

[ahahha, no pun i swearr!]

the only thing that's keeping me sane is my terrible habit to dwell on the past.

i look at old pictures, videos, read old blogs to remind me of how i used to be,

gives me some kind of hope i guess..?

idk what i should do,

i've just been taking each day at a time.

i need to go home, i need familiar grounds.

familiar friends, familiar streets, familiar places.

i want change, but i'm not that strong..

i can't just let go and dive in. :/