rant.

I'm sick of being like this and its annoying the hell out of me. I'm always tryna find a loop hole or some way to justify the way i am but theres nothing.
I'm shy, i get nervous too easily, i can't speak my mind if my life depended on it, i'm extremely awkward, i think b4 i speak, i find a fricken fault in every fricken thing that i do and say.
This shit is far from saying, 'i'm just human, everybody does it' b/c at some fricken point that person should grow out of it, or it should minimize or some shit. not get worst! Sigh.
Everytime i tell myself nxt time will be better, imma change it no more. I throw all that possy tlk out the door and fall back into my old ways again. :/
Idk what to do anymore, i'm not happy. I'm just a ghost walking endlessly.
I don't wanna try anymore and i don't have the energy to fake it either. everything just really NEEDS to be fixed.
But something in me refuses to be down in the dumps, everyting that i'm feeling is just building up somewhere underlying w/n.
Geez, i don't wanna be a downer, i just wanna change. :/

--posted via my phone. :]