having a dream is just the beginning.

so i said i would blog when i felt like.

and boy do i feel like.

at this very moment i feel like i have hit the lowest pits of low.

and its not about any usual thing i've been down about.

its about something that i've been yearning for since i was 10 that has just HIT me.

yeah, i know.

from when i was 10?

i wanted it so bad and i'm really disappointed in myself for getting sidetracked for 4 fuckin years.

i remember when i was 10, this was the ONLY thing on my mind.

and i was so determined.

but idk what happened.

i think i tried to give it up and focus on something else because i was always told that it was unattainable.

but man, looking at other people who have done it.

i'm pretty sure someone tried to crush their spirits and tell them that they couldn't make it either.

i'm fuckin giving myself a headache for crying so hard.

lmfao, i'm so passionate about this but i just feel the need to hold it to myself.

i don't want anyone to run me astray from my goal like last time.

i have a plan and i damn sure plan on sticking with it this time.

i can't believe i didn't stick w/ it b4.

i keep thinking about where i could have been now if i was more persistent and head strong back then.

i keep beating myself up about it.

and then i kept thinking about what everybody [my family] expects of me.

i keep getting lecture after lecture,

and me and my mom have went down this road b4.

i know what she's gonna say.

i KNOW i have potential.

i really have faith in this,

i feel very strongly about how everything is gonna turn out.

this is the worst type of feeling.

b/c a solution can come only with time, dedication and hard work.

i can think and dream big but nothing can happen right now.

thats whats riding my balls.

"..nothing can happen right now."

sigh.

depressing, but the truth.

"...having a dream is just the beginning." <3

lol, watching me and my siggys vid made me feel a little better. lol.

enjoy.