sigh,

theres always something wrong with me.

:/

drama. drama. drama.

i'm not even gonna go into detail about the unnecessary hoopla that just happened today and yesterday.

if you wanna know read my tweets..

but anywho, i'm so sick of female drama.

like it tends to get annoyingly old.

i can not stress how much i hate females.

some of them are great, like the 'real' female friends i have acquired ovr high school.

but man, i'm so sick of the drama that comes along with them.

i've had my share of female problems in hs and i'm SO over it.

its always somebodies feelings getting hurt or something that was done wrong that they didn't like.

oh and boys! theres always a boy problem thrown in there too. lol

i don't believe i've had any problems with my guy friends that i had with my female friends.

geez.

i mean i know i've had my share of problems myself,

but i usually just keep them within a close niche of people.

the few girls i've met here so far that i actually like are very mellow.

and thats more than perfect.

i noticed that with myself, i don't like meeting people in a group.

i like to meet a person one on one and then get to know them.

i unconsciously create a few close friends rather than a bunch of associates...

if that makes sense.

and i think i'm a very good persona reader.

although that isn't true 99.9% of the time and someone can call me out on that if they'd like.

lol

i'm sorry this blog is jumping all over the place.

but now that me and the freshie aren't on the same terms as we were before.

shes being very immature.

honestly, i just don't have time for it.

for some sucky reason i'm a chick drama magnet.

but no sireee,

i swear i'm done.

i'll stay to myself in this house.

and mingle else where.

thats what i want anyway.

peace <3

i miss my frannndssss so much!

yeah, that needed to be a blog.

i love a select few of you!

lol <3

dutch courage

ahh, i forgot how being so 'different' is hard in new environments.

right now, i'm pretty much walking on egg shells b/c the people that i've met so far are so different from me.

so here, so far i've noticed that alot of the black people don't like to mingle with the everyone else.

aha, mingle is so our word of the week.

but anyway, so pretty much they created like this group, that unfortunately i'm apart of and its very sucky.

idk, i'm not one to say i'm different from everyone else.

but my interest are are far from typical.

knowing that i'm not like the average bunch is not something that i didn't know before.

but it always blows up in your face when your surrounded by people who aren't into the same things as you.

like dude, RHS priss girls have nothing on the them.

lol, i'm not gonna say all of them are like that.

theres this one girl who barely says anything that just follows them.

idk, from my observation i think she justs with them b/c they're her roomies and she has no one else to be with.

but i refuse to be like her ass.

but anyway, there is one girl that is fairly up my alley of cool.

so yeahh.

idk, i just wanna venture off.

which is what i plan on doing.

it's like 10pm and i'm @ home blogging.

apparently thats not cool.

but IDGAF.

my roomies prob wandering around looking for a party getting her ass lost so she can call security to take her home again. lol

ahh, but its only the second day...

it gets so mucky here, i hate not taking a shower after i come in the house.

can't wait till its winter!

imma take a shower now.

peace <3

a words, not a word, till you mean what you say.

i was blogging from my phone the other day and i totally failed b/c i exited out without saving it.

smh, typical nataki act.

&now i don't feel like blogging about it, b/c the feeling is mute now.

dudee, i love my phone.

lately i see no reason for getting on the cpu cause i can do everything i want from my phone now.

1. tweet on twitter. <3

2. check my email

3. youtube

4. listen to music

5. [on occasions] check my fb and myspace

the basics yah know.

well anyway, i learned how to use my phone as a modem now, and that was pretty much the highlight of my week.

lame right?

i'll live.

i feel very great, and even though a lot of other feelings are within me,

i'm very positive about it.

so thats all dandy.

i have orange stuck in my teeth ughhh.

um, what else is knew w/ me?

um, i got my hair braided, lol

oh, i leave in like 2 days.

wow, the time is almost near.

i'm very anxious, kinda nervous.

but it hasn't really sit w/ me yet that when we get in PA my fam will be leaving w/o me.

i don't really have any worries, b/c i feel like i've become a better me these last couple of months.

i'm happy w/ myself.

but i'm sure theres ALWAYS room for improvement.

"perfection is in the eyes of the beholder."

ahh, well imma edit this blog a little bit b/c i don't like it anymore.

i want it to be more simple, and peaceful.

i'm listening to this race assessment for penn state.

so lameeeee.

well, hasta siempre que!

-natx3

having a dream is just the beginning.

so i said i would blog when i felt like.

and boy do i feel like.

at this very moment i feel like i have hit the lowest pits of low.

and its not about any usual thing i've been down about.

its about something that i've been yearning for since i was 10 that has just HIT me.

yeah, i know.

from when i was 10?

i wanted it so bad and i'm really disappointed in myself for getting sidetracked for 4 fuckin years.

i remember when i was 10, this was the ONLY thing on my mind.

and i was so determined.

but idk what happened.

i think i tried to give it up and focus on something else because i was always told that it was unattainable.

but man, looking at other people who have done it.

i'm pretty sure someone tried to crush their spirits and tell them that they couldn't make it either.

i'm fuckin giving myself a headache for crying so hard.

lmfao, i'm so passionate about this but i just feel the need to hold it to myself.

i don't want anyone to run me astray from my goal like last time.

i have a plan and i damn sure plan on sticking with it this time.

i can't believe i didn't stick w/ it b4.

i keep thinking about where i could have been now if i was more persistent and head strong back then.

i keep beating myself up about it.

and then i kept thinking about what everybody [my family] expects of me.

i keep getting lecture after lecture,

and me and my mom have went down this road b4.

i know what she's gonna say.

i KNOW i have potential.

i really have faith in this,

i feel very strongly about how everything is gonna turn out.

this is the worst type of feeling.

b/c a solution can come only with time, dedication and hard work.

i can think and dream big but nothing can happen right now.

thats whats riding my balls.

"..nothing can happen right now."

sigh.

depressing, but the truth.

"...having a dream is just the beginning." <3

lol, watching me and my siggys vid made me feel a little better. lol.

enjoy.

who you are is falling over me.

I know I haven't blogged in a while but really my mind isn't straight.

I really do have a lot to say, but i'm just not ready to say it because I want it to come out right.

I feel like my hopes and dreams are really powering me because I have a different drive now.

But I am a silent dreamer because I've chosen to keep my new aspirations to myself.

I've fallen back into an overly private prick.

&honestly idky.

but corrections will be made.

I always find myself drawing towards music that makes me feel really calm and mellow.

right now i'm really into DEMI LOVATO and LIGHTS.

I know alot of people don't like my music taste and i don't give a rats ass.

its makes me feel good.

I feel really humble and at peace.

and i know i say that all the time but its my favorite feeling to feel.

i feel more in tune with myself and my thoughts.

ahh, well idw force myself to blog.

i'll unprivate this when i get some type of blogs up worth reading about.

haste siempre que!